for the heart i once had

After so long, I finally realize that I am tired faking.
Tired to be all-defensive dealing with negativity.
Tired to fight for things that’s not worth it.
Tired becoming someone who I wasn’t, or pretended to be sharp-tongue so I am can defend myself.
I have enough.
All my life.
I have enough.

Let them say it all. Let them hate me all they want. Let them throw all negativity they had all they want. Let them put all the blame.
Let them feel good about themselves.
I surrendered.
They were right in their minds that I…. I don’t know~ suck, perhaps?
That I wasn’t any good.

I keep my mouth shut now. There’s nothing I could say to make anything changed.
I’m powerless.
Those pain they caused just turned me to be, them. Exactly like them.
And how I hate myself for that.

I am letting it go now.
I’ll build walls around me for all I need in my life was just me.
And I am no longer hoping for anyone to climb those walls and save me.