sorrow.

I went to my best friend's wedding yesterday. We're so close to each other once and now she's someone else's wife. How life had changed before my eyes.
And that's when I thought of my one and only ex boyfriend: TK.
We might get married if we're still together.
I might be busy with my own wedding.
I might still be in love with him.
I might never know he is gay by then.
I might never know how much a broken heart cost.
Just one heart.
It just cost one heart.

Last night I felt so sad thinking of what had happen in these few years of my life.
The years I learn what love is.
Looking back I was just a girl with no absolute dreams because I was in love.
All that matter to me was...... him.

God knows what happened to him now but I am sure he's now content with the one he loves.
Oh c'mon, he left me for another guy.
He wouldn't feel so bummed.
He wouldn't crushed to million pieces like I did.

I feel like crying.
I think I missed him when I know deep down I should not.

ghost love score

I wasn't feeling well for the past few days. I suffered from terrible headaches, I vomitted a few times, on top of that, my stomach really shutted down.
The best of all, me and my girls were planning to go for a road trip for almost 600km tonight.
It's too late to cancel nor postponed it.
I tried so many medications, including those prescribed by the doctor, too bad: they're not helping.
The doctor even said i wasn't that sick.
He's a doctor, he reads me like a number. What else did he cared?
To hell with him, he has no fucking idea that I had vomitted to ease my dizziness.

For few days I suffered, on and off, with some uneasiness in my stomach, like it's totally bloathing.
It's annoying.
My head spins sometimes, it effected my eyes, and they began sore some time.
Palying with psychology instinct, I played myself my fav songs as I ALWAYS love music, and voila~
I was right.
I just need Ghost Love Score by Nightwish and i feel a looot better.


p/s: the road trip will be filled with all metal/rock bands I love the most!

dream

oh ya! i dreamt about him last nite.
yes him.
the guy I secretly had a crush on ONE WHOLE YEAR without even looking at his face.
the guy i referred as: someone who has so much in common with me
the guy who left without warning.

I guess I missed having him around.
I guess I missed him.
I hope he feels the same way. One way or another.

Once Upon A December

I thought I wouldn't be as busy as all the big plans and events had already passed.
Eidl Fitr last September, my eldest sister got married last October, my youngest sister underwent a major spinal operation, Eidl Adh last week~

I'm hundred miles away from mom and dad, make it a lot harder financially and totally time consuming.
I thought November came and wrapped them all up.
I was clearly, wrong!

December is more hectic and usual.
I have literally no time to focus on playing new songs for my keyboard lessons, and no time to read books I borrowed from my mom.

I am busy squeezing myself into doing two different jobs: my full-time QA job at my office and doing a part time tutor for 2 school boys.
Tutoring isn't easy.
I need to find materials for each class.
And being very particular about detailing, I am constantly wasting my time to google up good materials for the classes.
Oh well the first discussion would be about football.
Let the boys warm up with a topic they love the most.
And Shakira.
gah, I need to google on that one!

I also need to plan for a quick farewell vacations with my two good friends, as I am leaving the company early January.
We're going to Melaka and again, I am driving. More than 600km this time.
Poor my car~ It travels so far and so frequent I started to worry about its performance.

I also need to study on my new company. I need to start fresh without being totally empty.
At least I know something.
At least I am ready.

*Sigh. Need to stop here.
Gotta get back to home, cooking and practising 'Hello' on my keyboard.
I have a long day tomorrow, sending my car to workshop, meeting up a labor officer discussing about my fucked up employer who used us as money machine (longgg story) and settling up some issues with EPF, and a class with my 2 new students.

What a life!